i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
