did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
