Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
