i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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