And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
