I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
