please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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