I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize