Will you blow on my dice?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
