They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
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You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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