census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
