who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
