this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
