he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
