My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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