Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
