he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
