Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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