So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
