i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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