i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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