I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize