I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
