Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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