I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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