I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
