white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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