I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize