Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
