I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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