Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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