My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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