woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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