After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
