He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
