Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
