nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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