Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
