I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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