I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I could make wine with my vomit
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize