That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
