somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dicks are not precious.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
