real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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