I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
