I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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