I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
