broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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