im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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