You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
