Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
