you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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