so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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