had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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