I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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