remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
