I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The ass gains better be worth it
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