My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
