so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
