If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
