if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
