I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Randomize
