why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
