I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
